A letter to you.

Alot has happened in the last few weeks, but I cant talk about that right now. Some drama has happened in the recent couple of days and I have some stuff to get off my chest. 

So here goes. 

A letter to you.

You made me care. And I hate that I care. I dont want to care but you made me.

I didnt want something this intense so fast. I wasnt ready. But you made me. 

I didnt want to open up to you. I have trust issues. And committment issues. And I overthink everything. I didnt want to open up to you, but you made me. 

You made me because of who you are. And what you do. And how you make me feel. 

After everything we've gone through in the past couple months, I thought that meant more to you. It meant more to me. 

After the crash, you cried to me. You cried and said you didnt see your own life flash before your eyes. You saw mine. You said you'd never forgive yourself if something had happend to me. I could hardly speak, or move, and was in so much pain, and everytime I looked at you I wanted to hit you for crashing that car. But instead I kissed your head and pulled you close, and whispered that it was okay.

I told you things that I dont tell people. I told you about the guys that had fucked me over and were the root of my issues. I told you about my anxiety and my depression. I told you about my dreams and my plans and my hopes. I told you about my scars from burning my wrists at my lowest point. Ive only told 2 people about that. And then I told you. 

I keep quiet when you take out your shit on me. I keep quiet when youre being, quite frankly, a dick. I keep quiet when you snap and are condescending to me for no reason. Even though all I want to do was yell and tell you to shut up. And when I spoke up you told me to just drive. 

But you made me care. After everything you made me care about you more than I wanted to. More than I should. More than I wanted to. And I thought you did too. 

After everything we've been through in a couple short months, and everything you said, and everything you confided in me, I thought you cared as much as I did. 

But that cant be.

Because I wouldnt threaten to throw it all away for something so small.

And you wonder, and even poke fun at the fact, why I have trust and committment issues and overthink every situation. 

Its because of shit like this.

This is why I stay in my bubble. Its safe and warm and nothing bad happens. I stay in my bubble because I stay safe. But I took a chance on you. And you made me care.

I have alot of issues because of people.

They make you think they care and they love and they'll never leave, but its a lie. 

Its because people always leave.

Much love, 

Jane Doe.